Baby Girl Month 9

Month 9, to my girl,

Crazy month, my friend. Crazy. I feel like 30 days ago was a lifetime. In the beginning of your 9th month you spent time with your father for his birthday, and saw extended family. You came home with sunburnt toes, so I think you had a great time!
You were a sicky sicker a lot this month, and it prompted us to make an appt for an ENT. More on THAT later.
You got to play with your Aunt Nickey, who has MISSED you! I am supposed to be teaching you patty-cake so she can play it with you next time. Note: remind me to teach that to you.
We had quite a few weeks of daycare/home/bed, or daycare/Dad’s/home/bed and not much else – neither one of us was feeling quite like ourselves and therefore neither one was sleeping well. I went a record 10 days straight without sleep (I exaggerate – I got about 1 hour a night…mer…) and YES, I thought I was gonna lose it. At times. Most of the time you and I would just turn on the lights, get out some toys, and play with our animals and rattles at 3 am til you got drowsy enough to at least lay quietly and let me doze a bit. I do know that SOMEDAY you will be sleeping better. The hope of this day is what helps me not to trade you in for a new model. That and sloppy morning kisses.
You have begun talking more lately, other than the usual DaDas – you now say Momma, Dada, Duck, Duckie, Bunny, Hey, Dead, and Guy. Yesterday you learned the N sound, and so all night was NoNoNoNoNo and NaNaNaNa. Funny, for now!
You also started walking Very Unexpectedly. One night I propped you up, holding the couch, and you turned and walked 2 steps to the table. Then, the next night, you walked again at Sabrina’s by TURNING AROUND and walking 2 steps. I think this is pretty cool – but the pediatrician warned this morning that, for the sake of my sanity, I might want to squash your hopes of walking just yet – you will get hurt getting into too much stuff! Haha, we’ll see.
Speaking of, almost every day I get reports from daycare that read, “Mommy, Today I had lots of fun. I had said fun by getting into trouble, pulling stuff out of drawers, wreaking havoc when no one was looking, waking up my friends for funsies, biting on cue, and crying during naptime. XXXOOO, your daughter” (What daycare doesn’t know is that every day I whisper “good for you’ upon hearing this. That’s my little badass.)
My favorite-est part of the past month has been bathtime. I started bathing you almost every night in the kitchen sink, lots of bubbles, lots of duckies, a couple bowls, some spoons, 2 washcloths, and your little naked hineybumps. You quickly caught on to SPLASHING! And THOWING WATER! And MESSYMESS! I end these baths soaking wet myself and you never seem to want to get out, even when the water’s turned cold. I love how much fun you have.
So, ENT. It must be said. Sucked! It took them .2 seconds to decide you need tubes, and then we spent the rest of the day shuttling between offices for a hearing test, evaluations, etc. You surgery is scheduled for this month and I am nervous. A lot. I’m sure you’ll do fine, though, as all badasses do.
I have been going through a lot of stuff in my own life this month, and in my minutely small group of confidants I am told things like, “Think of your daughter. Then you won’t feel sad or scared or terrified or depressed.” Unfortunately, you are exactly why I feel these things – fears simply for myself don’t register on the radar anymore. Fears that involve picturing your life with me in a way that leaves you in any way shortchanged make my hands seizure and I start to sweat and I can’t breathe and JUST BREATHE EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE. Everything HAS to be fine, because I look at your face and I see me, not the me that has flaws and is unfinished and has negativity and is fouldterribleHUMAN. I see perfect-me – all that I had to make you was made with purity and love and heart and hope (and juice bucket!), and I cannot disappoint that. And I will do everything in my power to make your life with me as wonderful and as complete as I can. EVERYTHING IN MY POWER.

Oh, and did I mention that you’ve been adorable-er than ever? I LOVE your scraped-up knees! You’ve been awesome.

love, momma